Why Modern Dating Might Not Be So Bad After All

I TRY TO LIVE BY THIS QUOTE // FLORA BELLA COLLECTION

Nearly every time I log onto Facebook, I see another twenty-something year old sharing an article about the tragedy that is modern dating. And nearly every time, I roll my eyes.

To me, the truth is that modern dating is going to be what we make of it. I've definitely had times where I've wanted to get swept off my feet and have the perfect husband, the perfect wedding, the perfect family. And conversely, I've had experiences that have made me want to climb into my bed and grow old with some Jamba Juice and a Netflix subscription.

Overall, I think we demonize modern dating way too much. I used to text my high school boyfriend compulsively. It led to a lot of stress, a lot of fights, and a lack of personal space for him. Since we've broken up, I've realized how important my personal space is to me, and really regret the forced communication. Texting, while an amazing tool in so many different ways and for so many different things, can also jeopardize something really great (note: I'm not saying my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was great. It was far from great. I'm just trying to make a point). I know that I used to need a constant reassurance that the person I was with actually liked and wanted to be with me.

More recently, I've been involved with someone who only texts me when he's trying to hang out. And while that sounds sketchy, it lead to some pretty great conversations in person that wouldn't have happened through texts. I'm the type of person who over-analyzes everything, and the lack of texting is something that is brand new to me, but I've also had more fun on a few dates with this kid than I ever did with my ex-boyfriend. And that's because there's so much to learn about him and so much to talk about when we're together. While I'm still stressing out and getting major anxiety over this kid, I know it would be ten times worse if he was sending me text after boring text that I would then try to deconstruct.

Dating nowadays just happens. If it works, that's great. If it doesn't, you try again. The "hook up culture" we frown upon is not the monster we're making it out to be. I feel that in the olden days of dating, women especially were expected to be less vocal about what they craved in a partner. Hook up culture enables us to find someone that we enjoy being with on an emotional and physical level, and in today's day and age, there's nothing wrong with that. I understand the anxiety over hook up culture. He asks to hook up and if you don't, you're a tease, but if you do, you're a slut. You really want to hook up with him but are concerned about coming across too easy, but sex isn't this sacred, only-for-the-one-you-love experience for you. These are all legitimate, unfortunate concerns that women today have, and it comes from stereotypes and expectations that are grossly engrained in today's society (but, more on that later).

Be vocal. Tell the artsy boy with pretty eyes and nice hair that you liked kissing him and would've done it again had he called. Tell the cocky bro who asked you out and then whined about being friend-zoned that you would never consider settling down with someone that uses the term "friend-zone" seriously. Tell the reserved, cute hockey player that you'd enjoy hanging out again sometime and follow up on that offer. Let him know how you're feeling, because if you don't, how is he supposed to know?

I just think us twenty-something-aged women can take advantage of the same thing we're demonizing. I think modern dating, hook up culture, whatever you choose to call it can actually work in our benefit sometimes. And if you have a particularly bad experience with it, it's not the end of the world. If that happens, take a page from my girl Liz Taylor's book: "pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together."